Some Random Thoughts

Today is such a beautiful day. The sun is shining, except for the brief moments of hiding behind the gorgeous cumulus clouds in the bright blue sky. I have been thinning my yard; since I don’t own a working lawnmower, I have to thin by hand. I don’t mind; I like the look of my wild lawn and it’s less than an acre. Earlier in the summer there was a beautiful Columbine flower. She has since faded back but there are other beauties to admire. Around the perimeter there are a few golden Goldenrods, many Rose of Sharon bushes (which are spreading like wildfire), Peonies and wild Black Raspberries. Throughout my lawn are millions of Common Blue Violets. In the back the Burdock was so out of control I had to thin them; a small herd of deer could have hid among them! Silver Maples, Mulberries, a single Catalpa and Ash are the few trees around my property. I also have many large Pokeweed bushes along the back side of my house and guarding it all is lots and lots of Poison Ivy. I also have many rather large Spiders spinning their webs around my house and property, adding their protection to my little haven. The Poke berries are big and ripe and I found myself harvesting them a little while ago. I have them on a white sheet to start drying. I was blessed to get quite a few berries and still leave some behind to reseed. I put some of the seeds along the back of my property, where there are no plants shielding my property from the neighbors. It is my goal to have a natural fence around my property, hiding me from the small town I live in.

I feel the Wheel of the Year slowly turn to Autumn, my favorite season. Feeling Summer slowly fading away always leaves me feeling nostalgic. Life is winding down, as all push to get the final preparations done before Winter closes in. I’ve seen many fat groundhogs attesting to this fact. After the first frost I will probably harvest some Burdock root. I firmly believe that the plants that grow around a person are growing there for a reason. Namely, the plant has something to offer that the person needs. And, since I have historically taxed my liver, I figure I need to get some in.

For the most part, Summer was uneventful. I did notice a baby Nuthatcher trying to hide in the Japanese Yew earlier in the season. The poor little thing had fallen out of its nest and could not make it back up the big Silver Maple, where its anxious parents were fretting about. I coaxed the little bird onto my finger, cradled it to my chest, and put it as high up in the tree as I could. With the help of its grateful parents it scampered up the tree to safety. A couple of months later as I was working on the computer, a Nuthatcher landed on the screen in my window and looked at me briefly before flying away. And about a week ago my shoulder acted as a ‘rest stop’ to a little butterfly. Those moments I cherish.

Quite often I feel that no one in my life understands me. I am called ‘weird’ and ‘strange.’ No one understands why I love and admire Spiders, Snakes, and Poison Ivy. They don’t understand the lessons they have to offer. People just don’t understand that the Universe communicates with me through Nature. About a year ago a Catholic Priest drenched me with Holy Water to “see if I would sizzle.” No joke. He was only a bit relieved when I didn’t; he was obviously still quite concerned for my soul. Luckily that doesn’t happen too much but it really emphasizes how off the beaten path I am to society, at least where I live.

Sometimes a person has to make painful decisions and sacrifices to live their authentic life. It isn’t always easy being true to yourself. But the alternative, living a lie to fit in with how society/family says you should be, will slowly erode at your soul, leaving you empty on the inside. So I will continue standing up for all the underdogs of nature, regardless of all the strange comments I get from people. And I will continue to live my life authentically because living a lie, living my life according to other people’s standards, is too great a sacrifice.

So what do YOU think?

On Susun Weed’s Wise Woman Forum, there is sometimes talk on how women feel about their body image. It is such a tragedy that virtually all the women participating say they don’t like the way they look. They feel shame over how they view their bodies. Too fat. Too short. Breasts too big. Breasts too small. Big bellies. Cellulite. Growing old. The list of self-criticism is endless. The shame goes all the way through their souls. They feel they just are not good enough because of the way they look. They feel shame over their looks. Then they feel shame because they are ashamed of the way they look. Shame. Guilt. Despair. All feelings that do nothing but damage the core of a woman’s soul. Why are looks so much more important to society than what is in a person’s heart? I remember when I was a child I too suffered with low self esteem and hating my body and my looks. I was 5’5” and barely weighted 110 pounds and I thought I was fat. I hated the way my belly pouched out. I hated that I was not built like a super model. I hated that I did not weigh less than 100 pounds. I thought if I was thinner and prettier I would have more friends and I would finally be happy. So I starved myself and hated myself and was on a never ending diet for the first forty years of my life. I thought if I could just find a man who thought I was pretty and worthwhile would make me feel pretty and worthwhile. I gave my personal power to others so they could make me feel valuable and worthwhile. Unfortunately I found men who only magnified my feelings of self hatred. I gave them my personal power so they could make me feel valuable and worthwhile. I starved myself to a size five so I would be thin enough for them. I wanted to be as thin and as pretty as all the beautiful women I saw in the media. What a way to spend the first half of my life. Unfortunately I have lots of company. Here is a question recently posted on the Wise Woman Forum:

“So I am standing in front of the mirror yesterday, I have gained 10 lbs. and I feel fat. My stomach is not flat enough, my thigh muscles are undefined. And then comes the guilt, I should not feel this way, I am just a puppet playing into Hollywood stereotypes. If I were really an enlightened and wise woman I would be able to accept my body as beautiful/natural/goddess like. And now I feel even worse, having failed both to meet society's stereotypes and to reject them as well. Is it even possible to be ashamed of your body and ashamed to be ashamed of your body at the same time? I feel like on one hand, I am being told that I am not thin enough, my stomach is not flat enough, and my hips are too big. I feel ashamed of my body the way it is. We all know now as women that these are messages we are bombarded with, but is it any better, any more reasonable to tell ourselves that we should be able to ignore this constant bombardment and rise above it to accept ourselves? Or is it just one more on top of a list of unreasonable expectations that we as women to try to meet?”

While I have finally reached a point where I finally realize the impossible standard society has set for women, it is hard to undo decades of negative conditioning. While I know I am not fat and ugly, I sometimes still feel like I am, especially when I see the ideal in the media or when I’m out in public. It is a knee jerk reaction to decades of negative conditioning. One of the responses to this post gave me an ‘Ah-HA’ moment that I would like to share:

“Over and over I kept hearing the phrase *a woman's problem areas--the tummy, hips, and thighs.* and then I remembered ancient fertility goddess images--big belly, hips, and thighs. And I was like *wait a second!* and I realized that women don't have 'problem areas'--that these are culturally created in the modern era. These areas are naturally curvy, voluptuous, etc. and even my own muscle shape depicts this. “

Of course women are going to be curvy in the ‘problem’ areas. It is our sacred duty to carry and protect the unborn in our wombs! Our bodies put more padding in these areas to ensure the protection of the children we are carrying/going to carry in our bodies. Our ‘problem’ areas are Nature’s way of protecting the unborn and ourselves. How has that become something undesirable? Something ugly? Why do we women believe it? Why do men? There was a time when luscious, curvy women were reveled and considered the ideal. One can see this in the paintings of the great artists such as Michelangelo. What happened to that ideal? When did stick thin, anorexic women/girls become the ideal? When will women take back their power and stop feeding into all the negative hype and crap society feeds us? We are the way we are for a reason. A sacred reason. Not to be eye-candy for the opposite sex. Not to be pleasing for a materialistic, superficial, and phony society. Not to conform to an impossible and unhealthy ideal. When will women stop chasing a sick fantasy? When will women redirect all the energy they pour into trying to achieve the impossible, to changing the world for the better? When will we use all that energy to end war, child abuse and violence? We could literally change the world if we would pour all that energy into worthwhile causes instead of into beating ourselves up over our looks! What a complete and total waste of valuable energy! We have the power to change the world. Instead, we use our own power against ourselves and each other.

I now weigh about 145 pounds. My job keeps my muscles relatively toned. I eat healthy (for the most partJ). I sometimes still struggle accepting the way my stomach pooches but I can now catch my negative thinking and I can change my thoughts. When I change my thoughts I change my life. Now there more are days when I feel I am pretty and ‘not fat.’ I use to dread turning forty. How silly of me! Now I LOVE being forty and menopausal! I feel better about my looks today than I did when I was at my thinnest, and the wisdom I have gained over the years is worth more than my previous size five figure. And that feeling is priceless.

Sooo…what do YOU think?

To Lie or Not To Lie
Here is an interesting question someone posed on a Group I belong to:
“I think that everyone has encountered being lied to by someone at one time or another in their lives. I know my kids lie to me daily about things from if they finished their lunch to who broke my eggs I use at Ostara on the altar. (Sigh) It is reinforced that lying is wrong and "immoral", so I am curious - do you agree with that statement? Why or why not - where are the boundaries that make lying ok or not ok? I think this question has many variables, as different people perceive a lie differently. I think that if you tell someone something that will affect their decisions or free will, that is immoral. I also think that some things told are to protect someone from harm, which would not be immoral. For example, when my son lost a tooth, and the tooth fairy came and exchanged money for the tooth. In essence, I lied to him, but was it immoral? I don't think so. Also, there is the ability to withhold truth, which is not exactly lying, but would fall under that category. When I ask my husband how I look in a certain outfit, and he tells me I am beautiful...when he thinks the outfit is totally ugly…he is with-holding that fact from me to protect my feelings. I guess to me, this question makes me feel that it is the intent behind the lie that makes it moral or immoral.”

Here is my response:
I think there are three basic reasons for lying: 1. To not hurt another person's feelings, which leads to…2. To protect ourselves from another person's reaction to our truths, and;3. To continue a tradition set by society that the majority of people are already doing (i.e. Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy), making it acceptable, or even required by society (what kind of parent are you, not telling your kids about Santa and the Easter Bunny??? You Scrooge!!! You assassin of childhood joy!). And yes, I told my daughter the lies of Santa and the Tooth Fairy. I told a whopper of a lie once when I forgot to put money under her pillow one morning...she came to me in tears...I actually had her SEEING the Tooth Fairy flying away after I slipped a dollar under her pillow! So I was not only a liar, but also a SNEAKY liar!
My daughter has asked for my opinion on various outfits she chooses to wear. She wants to know if I like it or not. Some I do and I tell her. Others, I just don't like. And I tell her "no I don't really like that outfit; it just doesn't do a thing for me, but if YOU like it, by all means wear it!" She may be disappointed that I don't like some of the latest teen-age fashion statements but she doesn't really care in the long run. As long as SHE likes it and her FRIENDS like it, all is cool in our household (but I'm lucky she doesn't dress like Brittany Spears and ilk). Likewise, she has let me know if she likes or doesn't like something I'm wearing, but as long as I like it and she doesn't have to wear it, she doesn't really care. Now, both of us sometimes tell the other "you know, that shirt your wearing/how you’re wearing your hair/etc. just doesn't look good on you! PLEASE change it!" We have felt disappointed but grateful for the honesty, especially if we ask for each others opinion, AS LONG AS IT'S DONE WITH LOVE & RESPECT, and NOT to cause hurt and shame; there are good ways and not good ways to be honest. If I ask someone for their opinion, I want them to be honest with me WITH LOVE & RESPECT, and not hold back something they think I may not want to hear. I don't want them to not honor their truth fully (as long as it's done in love & respect) just because they're worried about my feelings. If I’m wanting to hear a specific answer to a question I ask, and I get mad/hurt/sad when I don't hear what I want to hear, I feel I shouldn't have asked the question. I also feel that if someone thinks they have to lie or hold something back to spare a person's feelings, are they instead sparing themselves from the fallout of a negative reaction for giving a full, honest answer? Who are they really protecting in this kind of situation? The other person or themselves?As for lying to protect someone from harm, I need an example before I comment fully on that one. But right off hand, I feel that telling them the truth AND about the dangers (whatever they may be...what's dangerous to us may not be to the other person we feel we have to protect) so they can come to their own conclusions and decisions. Otherwise you run the risk of losing the person from your life when they find out you lied to them.I feel a lie is a lie is a lie; whether one considers it a moral lie or an immoral lie doesn't make it any less a lie. But I feel the truth MUST be told with Love and Respect; if someone can't do that, they need to keep their opinions to themselves; don't be honest at the expense of another person. That spreads poison and that is just SO WRONG. There's enough poison in the world; we don't need to add to it.Has anyone read The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz? Being impeccable with your word is his first agreement to live by. Not always easy, that's for sure! But definitely something worth striving for, I think.

Peace and Green Blessings,

Willow~

"The Earth does not belong to us; we belong to the Earth."

Chief Seattle

So…what do YOU think?

I’ve had significant dreams about Raptors. About three years ago I dreamed about a Cooper’s Hawk up in an oak tree. It appeared to be firmly grounded in the tree while stretching for the skies, which was a beautiful blue. It also appeared to be surrounded by a filmy white light.

On 1/7/06 I dreamed of a Red Fox in a den, a Lynx, and a Barn Owl. The Barn Owl looked a little roughed up. The day before this while I was driving on the by-pass going back toward the office (this is not a dream) I saw five Red Tail Hawks. I see a lot of Hawks during my drives.

Then, a couple of months ago I dreamed I was holding a Cooper’s Hawk on my left arm with a leather guard protecting my arm. A Bald Eagle was scrambling around on my right arm. I was concerned because I didn’t have an arm guard on, but I was not being hurt.

According to Ted Andrews, author of Animal-Speak: The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great & Small, dreams of raptors, such as the Red Tail Hawk reveals much about a person. He says about this Hawk:
“The red tail is very symbolic. It has ties to the kundalini, the seat of the primal life force. In the human body it is associated with the base chakra, located at the base of the spine; the coccyx or tailbone. Those who have a Red Tail Hawk as a totem will be working with the kundalini. It can also reflect that this bird becomes a totem in your life only after the kundalini has been activated.” (My side note: I have recently started on my Menopausal Journey, the part called perimenopause). “It can also reflect that the childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. It may pop up as a totem at that point in your life where you begin to move toward you soul purpose more dynamically…The ability to soar and glide upon currents is part of what hawk can teach…It teaches how to fly to great heights while still keeping your feet on the ground…Hawks are occasionally harassed and attacked by smaller birds. This is very significant…It indicates that there are likely to be attacks by people who won’t understand you or the varied and different uses of your creative energy. They may attack your ability to soar.” (My side note…how very true!!!). “The Red Tail Hawk is usually a permanent resident in an area, although occasionally it may migrate. This permanency reflects that as a totem, this hawk will be with you permanently once it shows up…Because of the strong energy (the intensified life-force) activated by this totem, any individuals with it must be careful in how they express themselves. There will unfold within you the ability to tear off the heads of any snakes in your life, or anyone or anything seen as an enemy. Your comments and actions will be like the hawk’s beak and talons—strong and powerful, but with a capability to tear and/or kill…The sky is the realm of the hawk. Through its flight it communicates with humans and with the great creator spirit. It awakens our vision and inspires us to a creative life purpose.”
Animal-Speak. Copyright 1993 by Ted Andrews.

I will write about the other animals from my dreams another time.

Spiritual Exercises for the Days of the Week Adapted from

Start Now! A Book of Soul and Spiritual Exercises

by Rudolph Steiner; Steiner Books, 2004

“Most of us would like to live in a more spiritually conscious way, but the task can seem so daunting. Where to begin? The great teacher, author, and philosopher Rudolph Steiner had a wonderful idea: he identified one gentle spiritual task for each day of the week. After all, seven is a magical number (think of the seven chakras), and having seven days of the week as a container makes deep soul-sense. You can use these simple, meaningful exercises as a basis for meditation, or simply as touchstones to keep in mind throughout the day. Step by step, we can gently bring ourselves into greater clarity and awareness. Breaking the process down into daily tasks makes it so doable, and the end result will be greater soul-strength and consciousness.

SATURDAY: Right Thinking

Be aware of your thoughts. Gradually learn to separate in your thoughts the essential from the nonessential, the eternal from the transitory, and truth from mere opinion. When listening to conversation, try to become inwardly still, renouncing all agreement and, more important, all negative judgments (criticism and rejection). Do this in both thought and feeling.

SUNDAY: Right Judgment

Decide on even the most insignificant issues only after full, well-founded deliberation and reflection. Abstain from doing anything that has no significant reason. Once we are convinced that a decision is correct, adhere to it with inner steadfastness. This is "right judgment" because it was made independently of attraction or aversion.

MONDAY: Right Word

Avoid the usual sort of conversation that involves jumbled, simultaneous cross talk. Listen thoughtfully to every statement and answer. Consider every approach. Never speak without a reason. Prefer silence. Try not to talk too much or too little. Listen quietly and process what you hear.

TUESDAY: Right Deed

Our outer actions should not disturb others. When we are moved inwardly (by conscience) to act, carefully weigh how best to employ the occasion for the good of the whole, and the happiness of others and the eternal. When you act from yourself and your own initiative, weigh the consequences of your actions in the most fundamental way.

WEDNESDAY: Right Standpoint
In ordering your life, live in harmony with nature and spirit. Do not get buried in the external knickknacks of life. Avoid all that brings restlessness and haste to your life. Be neither impetuous nor lazy. Consider life as a means of inner work and development and act accordingly.

THURSDAY: Right Striving

Take care not to do anything beyond your power, but don't leave anything undone that is within your ability. Pose goals that are connected with the highest of human responsibilities. In relation to these exercises, for example, try to develop yourself so that later---if not immediately--you may be better able to help and advise others. Let the preceding exercises become a habit!

FRIDAY: Right Memory

Strive to learn as much as possible from life. Nothing happens that does not give us the opportunity to gather experiences that are useful for life. If you have done something incorrectly or incompletely, it becomes an opportunity to do it correctly or completely later on. When you see others act, observe them with the same end in mind (but not without love). Do nothing without looking at past experiences that may help in your decisions and your actions. If you are attentive, you can learn much from everyone, including small children.”

Copyright: Adapted from Start Now! A Book of Soul and Spiritual Exercises by Rudolph Steiner

My beautiful daughter is an awesome writer! Here is a link to her website where she posts many excellent stories. Check it out and leave your comments!
http://storywrite.com/user/show/candywagenki
Not only is she an awesome writer, but she is also an awesome daughter! She was born only 16 years ago at 4:30 a.m. She weighed in at 8 pounds, 2.5 ounces and was 21 inches long. It took me 8.5 hours to bring her into this world. I've had to raise her by myself but I would not wish her out of my life for anything. She is extremely artistic, a talented tuba player and actress, loyal to all her friends, able to type at the speed of light (over 100 words a minute!), and she has a beautiful, carefree, musical laugh which I love to listen to when she thinks I'm not. She loves pizza, anime, talking on the phone and computer, drawing, and cooking. She makes REALLY good b.l.t's!

It's just the two of us, along with a dog named Harley, a Siamese cat named Smoke, and five tarantulas. We both love doing stuff on the computer, watching Law & Order SVU, America's Funniest Home Videos, and the blooper shows. On most weekends she is spending the night at a friends house. She is really good at calling me when she gets home from school and when she is staying at a friends house. I think I'm really lucky to have her for a daughter!

The following story was written by my daughter as an assignment for "Take Your Son/Daughter To Work Day" a couple of years ago. I no longer work at Woodlawn Nature Center but I just HAVE to keep this!

My Day at Woodlawn Nature Center

Hello! My name is Candy and I am 14 years old, and my school had a project called Take Your Son or Daughter to Work Day. My mother is a Naturalist/Director at Woodlawn Nature Center. She gives programs to school groups, educates people of any age about nature and the importance of keeping the environment clean. She also assist people who finds a certain animal in their backyard and how to take care of it, or if it’s already dead, to bring it back to the center for display unless it’s completely mutilated. When I was at Woodlawn for a day, she had a group of preschoolers come in and I helped with that by keeping them seated or staying in line. We went out in the woods and identified ‘creepy crawlies,’ or bugs and insects. We looked under logs and rocks and found a few such as night crawlers, pill bugs, centipedes and others. After they left my mother and I went outside and walked on the trails and she taught me various plants and trees and flowers.

Then we had to clean up the litter. We went back to get some bags and went back to the trails to pick up litter. We found rubber parts, plastic parts, and a lot of glass that didn’t belong in the environment and could injure people and animals. We filled all of our bags with litter, and there was still a lot left. You have to learn how to NOT litter. Littering means to place an object that does not belong on the earth, such as throwing a can or bottle or tires or glass or boxes, etc. on the ground. This can harm the environment.

For example… You’re driving and you find an empty plastic coke holder, you know, with the holes that hold the soda cans. You pick it up and throw it out of the car and it lands on the grass. Suppose a seagull comes down and mistakes it as food. The seagull pokes at it, then puts it’s head through the holes. Finding that it’s not food, it pulls its head out – only it can’t. It’s stuck in the plastic. It twists and turns until the plastic tightens on the Seagull’s neck, finally cutting off the air circulation, and it suffocates a slow, painful death, only because you were too lazy to get home and put it in the trash, or put it in a recycling bin.

Another example… You finish your Pepsi and throw the can outside. A raccoon happens to come upon it and pokes at it. It tears it up and puts a piece of the can that has rough, sharp edges that could easily slice your finger nice and deeply, into it’s mouth. It swallows, while the edges cut its throat up on the way down to its stomach, cutting up its stomach. It dies of internal bleeding. Doesn’t sound like fun to me. If YOU think it’s fun, then do it to yourself, not animals.

Another example… You’re finishing up your beer bottle and throw it in the woods where it shatters. A baby rabbit hops alongside with its mother. The mother hops over to a patch of clovers while the baby goes exploring. The sun beats down on the glass, making it scorching hot and reflecting it into the baby rabbit’s eyes. The baby hops around, and then jumps on the hot, sharp glass, slicing in its feet and between its toes, making it unable to move. It’s too far away from its mother, so the mother rabbit cannot find her baby rabbit. While she sniffs around, the baby is on the ground, twitching, while glass under it keeps cutting into its soft fur and tender skin. A few days later, it dies from starvation and lack of water, and is left to rot for bugs to eat it alive, while the hot sun makes it smell rancid.

All because of you and your thinking that the earth is YOUR trashcan. Well, I’ve got news for you! It ISN’T a trashcan. So before you think to throw that innocent soda can outside since it’ll just trash up your car, why don’t you think twice and notice that you are still trashing up something – your own PLANET. You LIVE on EARTH. Why do you want to TRASH it up? You people make it smell bad, too, by all of the pollution. Why don’t you think up some way to make gas healthy for the air? I bet earth would be a more manageable place to live in. I KNOW there’s a way to make the gas healthier. There has to be. Trust me, by throwing out even the tiniest piece of glass outside thinking it won’t make a difference; it DOES make a difference to the environment. It doesn’t belong there. Animals, trees, flowers, plants, water, and people belong on the earth. Not that crap that people throw on the ground that DESTROYS it.

Thank you for reading my ranting. Oh, and that was my day at Woodlawn Nature Center. Please stop by sometime!